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Joyce's Journey

  Not My Plan



A Broken Heart

Posted on January 14, 2016 at 6:35 PM
The Broken Heart

At one day old, our baby daughter suffered severe brain damage. As the doctor spoke, I stood frozen in place. Tears filled with eyes and rolled down each cheek. He clarified by stating, "She will be deaf, blind, physically challenged and mentally disable. I shook my head, “No, you mean she won’t have any quality of life?” My husband, David grabbed my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. With a soft voice David asked, “Will she live?" My heart started racing and a buzzing sound echoed in my head. I could not think. I could not breath. I could not speak.


As we exited the doctor’s office retreating down the long hallway, I could hear my throbbing heart beat. My body started shaking. David handed me his handkerchief while we entered the parking lot. Outside, the freezing January temperature registered minus twenty one below. Deep sorrow froze my face. When we entered our house, we curled together on the sofa with David’s arms around my body. Our pain was too great to contain. We cried.


Our future dreams disappeared. Our life was moving into an unknown journey. Lord, where are you leading us? Maybe I am dreaming, but the tears would not stop. David retrieved to the kitchen to make me some hot tea. I opened my bible looking for comfort…and hope. Where is my loving God? Does he see my tears? Does he feel my heartache? Then I found a passage that spoke to me.


 Beloved , think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you as though some strange thing happened unto you. 1 Peter 4:12


Yes, something strange, very strange has happened to me and to us. God heard me. I can make it another day. Just one moment at a time. Lord, please give me strength.


Not My Plan: Joyce Yexley Author (A book for caregivers)

Categories: Special Needs, Parenting